Alaska

Flew to Alaska. All in all it was a 9.5hr flight.

I love the pines in Alaska, tall and thin. Very pretty.

Had the service for ma. It was sad. I cried. But I will not have closer til next month when we put her ashes to sea. There was a beautiful collage of ma that my stepmom put together (I picked the pictures and she put them together). I should have gotten a picture of it - my brother got identical frames and he will copy the pictures and we will have the same collage of ma.
Went threw ma's belongings...I took lots, brother took some and gave the rest to charity.

Fairbanks at night. Pretty and Real cold! People that live in Alaska are crazy!

Saw the beauty that was there. Saw a moose. Tried foods I otherwise would not have (elk, moose, reindeer, frog, king crab leg). Went to the North Pole which is south of Fairbanks. Saw the pipeline. Went to Chena Hot Springs and sat in snow in a swimsuit.

Some may ask...

How can it be that she seems so calm/content just 2 weeks after her moms unexpected death?

1) I am still in shock
2) I am in denial
3) I am Not thinking about it.
4) in a way I have always expected/anticipated that phone call. <~ Leaning more towards 3 & 4.

Today, even though it is still early, I'm good. I still need to go threw pictures of ma for the service on Saturday. Need to edit the clothes I am taking because my luggage is bustin' at the seams. Need to make sure I have plenty of cool music on the Mp3, cell charged & camera battery charged.

12 week post-op Update

I've been doing aquacise 5x a wk at an hour each for the past month and I am only down 5Lbs! I will say part of that is due to ma's death and not eating right. They (Dr and nurse) were fine with just the 5 Lbs. A total of 43Lbs lost.

This is my gut with a 5-6inch needle in it. I got 2cc's for a total of 8cc's.

I asked my Dr about being in a food rut (I feel like I am not allowed carbs, but he said 'your body needs some carbs), how many calories should I be eating (I am eating about 1400 and he said that was fine). I asked about hair loss and he told me B12, zinc & iron. I told him I haven't been taking the vitamins because they all taste like candy to me (I HATE candy) - he told me to just smush up the regular stuff.

Here's to the rest of the day on clear liquids, tomorrow thicker liquids followed by thicker and thicker foods.

Lets hope the next 6 weeks go smoother, altho, I will be out of town next week and a week in Dec.

Are you ok with pictures???

I've been tired of finding gloves all over the house and none ever matching. Thought today that I ought to make a basket thing to hang on the wall to hold all the gloves. I already had a small plastic tote, the only problem is that it has a lip on it...using an xacto knife I was slicing the lip off and Oops! I missed!!! Immediately I jammed my thumb in my mouth (it might be gross, but it is something I have always done - if I cut my hand/fingers). Went to the kitchen to get a napkin to hold pressure to it and they blood was a flowing. Man did it HURT! I called an immediate care center here in town to see how deep a cut had to be to get stitches. I then told them that it was still bleeding after 10 min - they said 'C'mon in'.
The doctor asked me if I was ok with needles, I replied 'Yes, are you ok with pictures?' lol

This is after I got the numbing med and a tetanus shot. I felt the 2nd stitch! Ouch!!!

It was bleeding like a stuck pig which means it was bleeding out all the numbing meds. Here he is numbing it more so (cause I felt the 2nd stitch).

6 stitches later. The stitches come out after 10 days (Dr said 'tips of fingers...10 days'). This is going to be fun hauling luggage thru the airports and going thru boxes of stuff this/next wk.

Today is okay

After writing the blog on ramblings...I felt better. Getting most of my thoughts down on paper (ok, ok - typing all my thoughts on a blog, even if no one out there in the World Wide Web reads it) it has helped me.

In a way, it helps that ma lived so far away and that I did not see her often nor talk to her often. In a way, that helps with her being gone today -
It also helps, that I do not think about it. I do not sit and just ponder. I get up - see Sparky off to work, get Hoss ready and off to school and then it is me and Sprout for 7 hours. Sprout has a way to get my mind off of it. Then I go to the gym (another hour of not thinking). When I am home with Sparky, he has a way to make me laugh - laughter is such good medicine.

Today - I am ok (still not focusing on her being gone). Today is ok. Thursday, I fly out to Alaska - Thursday is going to be tough. Friday worse and Saturday...well, I don't know what Saturday will bring; we are holding a service for her Saturday. All next week, I don't know---me and my brother have to go thru ma's things and decide on what we want and then I have to figure out HOW I am going to ship her things back. HOW much is it going to cost us? Will I be able to bring back everything I want? Will I have money left over? Can I do this?

Today is okay.

???

What is the appropriate amount of time to grieve? Not just sadness, but full on, I can't concentrate/function grieve?